Christmas Eve. Another holiday, come and gone. Mistletoe dancing on an open fire, and chestnuts roasting in a microwave, And i love the rain, and the sunshine, but snow just kills me for some reason.

Desperate for something bigger than myself, I have a healthy frustration these days. Frustrated because my desires and goals are so much bigger than myself, but that in no way means they cannot happen.

Some months ago, I lost my job.  It happened suddenly and unexpectedly, but it happened. I was let go with a few other freelance consultants from a sub-contracting gig I’d been a part of for a few years.  I made a promise, at the time, if I were to ever have a change in employment, that I’d spend a few months in Kenya, volunteering with the Coptic Hospital.  And so, promises are made to be fulfilled (I wasn’t able to break this one, believe me I tried.)  And wouldn’t you know once I booked my ticket, a job offer came in.  But I had to delay my start date, because a promise is, as they say, a promise.

So yeah, I’m planning on spending the next few months in East Africa, until my new job starts up this spring. I’m looking forward to the change, though I do admit there’s much fear involved. Fear of being in an unknown place. I’ve never lived that long away from home, away from people who I knew. It’s funny how the idea of backpacking across Europe seems a bit more inviting. Maybe its the fact that I’ll have very little control over where I move, where I go, what I do. For three months. It has to be a humbling experience for sure, but can I handle it? I guess time will tell. The door has been open for a while, and I’ve said “No way” too many times, but it’s become very clear, I must do this.

I do have to say I’ve been learning a lot of things in the last few months:

1) Acceptance: Sometimes we have in our hearts a clear and vivid picture of what is true, and right, and no matter what anyone says, we know that what we want should just… be. And often times, what we want, just cannot be. What do we do? Acceptance is a hard thing, because it presupposes that maybe I am not in control of everything around me as much as I would like to think I am :) But indeed, there might be something better than our own dreams. I’m learning to take a chance at letting go, and learning to live. Life is much simpler when we have an open hand. Wait, did I say simpler? I meant to say sweeter.

2) Fear of Success: Sometimes I’m afraid of success I know that sounds kinda lame and self-aggrandizing, but it’s true. There’s fear of success because of the responsibilities that come with success. Or maybe it’s actually realizing that I do have an impact on this world…. sometimes wouldn’t we just rather hide than triumph? Just kinda get by, without having to stand out…. But it’s in my blood, to make an impact…

3) LifeJust live it. It’s here, and as long as we have it, we have a choice to make it sweet or sucky…. sucky sucks.. sweet rules… and that’s all i gotta say about that.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Kwanzaa, Eid Mubarak! And to the rest: Happy Holidays. Lay off the egg-nog.

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