The Only Salmon Recipe You’ll Ever Need

I cooked this for my dad on his birthday.


2 Salmon Steaks
1 Lemon
Garlic chopped
Fresh Basil from the jar
Salt & Pepper
Plastic Bag


  1. But everything in a bag and leave it for like 20 minutes while you work, talk on the phone, or cook something else.
  2. Once 20 minutes have passed by, decide you wanna leave it for like 30 minutes more because the Simpsons just came on TV.
  3. Watch episode and laugh if it’s funny.
  4. Return to plastic bag.  Take salmon out of bag and take a can of non-fat cooking spray.  Remove the lid and realize that there’s no spray nozzle. You’ve been sold a defective product.
  5. Go back to the store and return the nozzle-less cooking spray, and make sure you get a receipt.
  6. Test the spray out on the store clerk’s hair.  If her bangs no longer stick to her forehead, you got yourself a winner.
  7. Return to apartment, and play some Dismemberment Plan “Emergency & I”  and set volume to -30dB on your stereo.
  8. Forget to pre-heat the oven, and remind yourself to do it once the salmon is ready to cook.
  9. Put salmon back in plastic bag and watch Seinfeld thru 2 commercial breaks.
  10. Stick hand in oven for 10 seconds.  If it hurts, you’re good to go!
  11. Use cooking spray on a piece of foil and place foil on a tray and plop those salmon steaks right on there.
  12. Form a pyramid around the steaks with your foil and let it cook for 10 minutes ONLY!!
  13. I cannot stress enough how overcooked salmon SUCKS.  Take out of oven after 10 minutes and stick fork to make sure it’s not raw in there… if it is, shove it back in for another 5 minutes, but no more… NO MORE…  don’t give me that face… yea i’m talking to YOU!
  14. Remove from oven.
  15. Take a bite and say “damn, that shit is good!”

so in conclusion: