Today seemed like a pretty normal day. A bit warm than one would expect for a mid-june-type climate here in the greater metro area, it was monday, and yes, many of us around the nation were coming down with cases of the mondays… nothing too crazy. I guess I was at a place where I was feeling all was well with the world until everything just changed in a moment.. no… in a twinkling of an eye. At around 5:15p this evening on Sunnyside Blvd in Plainview, I saw an Amish woman walking down the street, carrying luggage. I find this a bit disturbing, why? What does this mean, if we’re gonna have Amish people walking around our town, and act like everything’s normal? I for one, am very concerned. Is there some sort of Amish settlement moving onto our Island, and can anyone really say that the Illuminati is not involved? What will happen to our way of life here if the Amish move in?
I’ll tell you what would happen. The very fabric of our society will be at risk of wear and even some tear! Imagine Old Country Road becoming an old country road, with horses and buggies wandering around. The parking lot at Morton Village would have to be totally redesigned, not to mention the mounds of horse droppings everywhere, which will make our car waxing and buffing prices just go through the roof, as if we needed yet another expense in addition to the ever climbing gas prices.
We’ve eradicated most of our farmland here for a very good reason. How can we stay competitive in the suburban home market if we have wild animals, and crops just roaming around, when we’ve worked so hard to maintain our department stores… our Coldstone Creameries… our condominiums… it’s just not right.
And then again, maybe, this woman is in costume, and is pulling some sort of practical joke on our community… and then again maybe she’s on her way to a community theater at the not-so-newly-expanded Public Library… that still doesn’t erase the possibility of an ever present threat of an Amish Takeover.
While this article seems outlandish, the truth is, I really did see an Amish woman walking down Sunnyside Blvd, and it got me thinking… what if the Amish moved in.. what would YOU do?